About me

I was raised mormon. Not a little mormon, but over-achieving, church-always-comes-first mormon. My father was a bishop before I was born and in the stake presidency when I was in high school. We kept the sabbath day holy and we never missed a meeting. I have five sisters and we were all married in the temple.

Family success, right?

Let's dig deeper.

My oldest sister is a jack ass in the highest degree. I am twenty years younger than her. She was married and pregnant before I was even born, so it has taken me a while to unbury the long lasting damage that has been done by her back-biting, control freak, self-righteous crap. And she has five kids, all married in the temple. She even holds a recommend herself. I guess there's no questions in the interview about one's own level of self-deception.

My next sister has struggled with various things and has pretty much been checked out of the family for years at a time. I can't say I blame her, being only a few months younger than the Bully Extraordinaire. She has nearly gotten divorced a few times, but has four kids. Three are married in the temple. The youngest is only 12.

There are twins who could not be more different. One is a head-in-the-sand home-body who is completely manipulated emotionally by the BE. Her twin is a spirited, wonderful woman who has made her own way in the world despite being viciously attacked from the time she was young by the BE. The BE colored the whole families view of her for years. And it was all made up on her part. Because she couldn't manipulate her, she had to degrade her to someone that no one would listen to.

And then there's the last sister. Um. Yeah. I just like her a lot. What can you say about her? I'm sure she'll come up later.

My brother took off years ago. Smart guy.

So there you have my brilliantly dysfunctional orthodox mormon family, complete with too many absentee dad, too many kids for the unable to function mom, and the awesomeness of our religion that makes it appear that we have the perfect family. After all, we were all married in the temple.

Me and my anonymous blog

What am I doing here?

A few months ago an aquaintance asked me a question, "Has it been hard for you to shake off the religion you were raised with?"

At the time, I answered no. No, as in, although I had some issues with it, I really hadn't shaken it off. Nor was I at all sure I was going to.

But now, I'm starting to seriously wonder. It's been a rough few months, and a rougher few weeks. Thoughts are emerging and I need to figure out some answers.

As I got a wonderful hot stone massage tonight, my mind raced with questions, reasoning, doubts, ideals... I have no one I can discuss my doubts or questions with and I need to voice them to see if they even make sense.

And what better place to think out loud than a blog.

So here I am.